Winter turns to spring...

Johnie and I continued to talk via phone, e-mail, instant messanger, and even web cam as the weeks went on.  I was at a very pivotal point in my life then: finishing up my bachelor's degree and faced with what to do next.  I am still stuck with some of those same conundrums now that I was then. 

Back then, I wanted to pursue advanced degrees to continue learning, research and teaching in the field of communication which fascinates and intrigues me even still.  But, I knew that the time and energy I wanted to devote to this path would prevent me from investing the time and energy I wanted to devote to having a family "someday."  There was no hope of a family in sight for me, and acceptances came in from a couple graduate programs. 

Johnie became my sounding board during that time.  Because we had never met in person, he was like a friend in all the ways that friends are wonderful (offering support and encouragement) and a stranger in all the ways strangers are wonderful (if they reject you or think you're crazy, then their opinion doesn't really matter and you just move on).  I poured out everything to him because I didn't really have another outlet, and making the right decision consumed me.  He was kind of like a diary that would actually listen and give advice.

I was accepted to the University of Texas at Austin, one of the top communication programs in the nation, and had the opportunity to visit the campus to help make my decision.  After many long hours of deliberation, prayer, and discussions with Johnie and others, I opted to begin graduate school (again, I had no idea when or if I would ever have a family, and several open doors to continue my education) at the University of Kentucky. 

This was an easier commitment financially and personally.  I also reasoned that the UT-Austin would still be there as I continued my education. 

I will have to say that my life and my decisions have turned out well, but I still wonder how things would have turned out had I chosen Texas.  I guess it's probably a good thing we can't plug in options retrospectively to see how things would have been if.  I digress...

Possibly because I opened up to Johnie, he opened up to me.  As I learned more and more about him, my opinion of him also grew.  While we were polar opposites in some ways, we were very compatible in others.  We had experienced several very similar circumstances and shared a similar worldview.  Our life goals matched amazingly.  He seemed too good to be true. 

I am thankful for the values my grandmother instilled in me at a very young age, and for the fact that I chose to follow them with Johnie (unfortunately I hadn't always made the best choices).  Because I set out to be a lady my grandmother would be proud of, I set certain limits with Johnie.  You may recall that I had refused to be the first one to e-mail, and technically the first one to call.  I also refused to be the first one to make the 800 mile trek for a visit. 

But boy did I ever want to lay eyes on this boy.  The Amy of a couple years prior would have been on the first plane to Kansas, old fashioned values aside.  Instead, I opted to utilize my communication skills in covertly convincing Johnie to visit Kentucky.  He didn't make it easy on me.  Without my rule, I would have been in Kansas in February.  Johnie was not so willing to travel nor to pick up on my hints.

I was constantly looking for reasons for him to come to Kentucky.  He was always rebutting with excuses why he wouldn't be able to make it.  God rewarded my efforts in May.  My graduation coincided with a church meeting in the area.  I invited him to the meeting and pointed out he'd also be able to be part of my graduation celebration.  He tentatively agreed.  He never really committed.

As the date of his possible arrival approached, he informed me he bought a plane ticket.  That means he's coming, right?  Well, not with Johnie. 

Three days before we were to meet, he called me to let me know his grandmother had injured her foot pretty badly and he didn't know if he would be able to make it after all.  The calls and e-mails pretty much stopped at that point.  I waited.  I paced.  I prayed.  I stared at my phone.  The night before I was to pick him up at the airport, I broke down.  I called him.  And left a message.  I didn't want either one of us to be stood up at the airport.  Around 10:30, I called back.  He answered.  He was coming.